Hello Frens,
Today I wanted to take a break from the garden and talk about a topic that is very important to me because I know there are many people out there struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. I struggled with it for over ten years, but I am now 7 years clean and sober. So here is my quick story and how I transitioned to the man I am today.
It all started a long time ago, I was out on our small john boat with my older brother. I was 13, he was 17 and we were knee boarding on the river like we always liked to do. He handed me a south paw beer, it was a 12 oz bottle and I can still remember how it tasted. Awful, but I started to feel a buzz almost instantly, and fell in love with the way I felt. Looking back now, I know exactly why I spent so many years suffering from addiction to drugs and alcohol, it was because I didn’t like the way normal life felt. When I tasted that liquid buzz for the first time, I felt different. I felt happy, like I could do anything, it’s hard to describe but I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about.
From there I went on as a somewhat normal teenager. My brother continued to be a bad influence on me. We would smoke cigarettes and drink a beer whenever he could get his hands on them. Through high school I only really drank with friends on the weekends. By the time I graduated High School I had a good job but was drinking more regularly since I had a steady source of income.
After High School I attended a community college where I began smoking large amounts of marijuana along with drinking regularly. After one semester, I transferred to a University about 2 hours away from home. This is when my drinking and drug use began to increase.
The biggest tell tale sign that there is an addiction issue is when your drinking or drug use causes problems in your life. For me that was becoming obvious. I was having relationship issues, friendship issues, law enforcement issues, work and school related issues. They were all related to my drinking and drug addiction.
When I graduated (somehow) from college, I left and moved to a new area. I did not know where to get drugs, so thankfully that basically ended most of my drug use. But I always knew where to get my best friend, Mr Bottle. I took a job continuing my internship and I was drinking just about every night so it started affecting my work.
I was let go there, and I bounced through a few more jobs because every where I went, I had issues with my drinking. Working in restaurant management, I was a very hard worker and reliable, but I would have bad interactions with employees or other coworkers, or bosses, or anyone that got in my way. I wasn’t a happy person anymore, I was lashing out at people and it wasn’t helping my professional career.
One day after running hard in my addiction for close to 10 years, I had a a rough interaction with an employee who went and told my boss. My boss was a really nice lady who actually cared for me. She asked me to go talk to someone with her church for lunch.
It was there that I spilled the beans with this guy I didn’t even know. I still don’t know why I did it, I was just tired of running from my problem. He asked me what my biggest problem was and I told him I had a drinking problem. I told him I drank every day after work until I went to sleep or passed out. He said if I didn’t stop drinking, then I’ll never fix my issues with people, work and life.
He told me that I’ll always be bouncing from job to job unless I get a grip on my addiction. I had never heard anyone say that. He said I could get help and live the life God always intended for me. That sounded so good, I wanted it so bad!
At this point I would usually say f*ck that and go back to work. But for some reason I said yeah man I really want to get some help. So we agreed to tell my boss and go from there with a plan to get clean. His suggestion was to begin outpatient addiction treatment at a local drug addiction treatment center.
Looking back, this was the hardest part of my life. I was torn between two lives, and super scared to cut ties with my best friend, Alcohol. I was gonna die with a bottle in my hand, that was always the plan. I just knew it. There was nothing that could be done to stop me. However, God showed favor on me and changed my outlook which allowed me to accept help. I committed to starting the program!
This was a very difficult phase of my life. My week involved working during the day with rehab classes 3 times per week at night. On the nights I didn’t have rehab I had to go to AA meetings in the evenings. I had to put in the effort, this was not an easy process at all, but I’m thankful for it to this day.
I learned a lot about my personal issues and why I acted the way I did. I learned how to cope with a lot of the trauma in my life and I learned how to live with myself. It was there I learned that addiction is pretty much like a disease. Some people develop the symptoms and some people don’t. Some people are able to recover from the disease and some people are not.
The most important part of the whole recovery was Alcoholics Anonymous. It was there that I worked the 12 steps. I found a guy in one of the AA classes that I could relate to and he became my sponsor. He walked me through the steps slowly and helped me understand the process. He taught me so much by being available and having me call him daily. One of the steps in AA is to write your life story. This was a daunting task, but it was so important to write down all of my life events. Sharing my life story with another person was powerful and allowed me to let go of the past that I was running from. Its a process of learning who you are and that you don’t need drugs or alcohol to live with yourself.
As of today, I am 7 years clean and sober. I don’t have to worry about the fear and shame associated with drinking too much alcohol and doing things I regret. I don’t have to worry about getting in trouble with anyone now because of my drinking. I still have bad days, but even my bad days are ten times better than any day from my addiction days. I now have small kids and they will never have to deal with a dad who drinks too much and causes issues in their life. I pray daily that my kids will grow up without the love for catching a buzz like I did.
My brother unfortunately didn’t make it. About a year into my sobriety I made the tough decision to end contact with him. He had gotten so bad into his addiction that he was not able to be tolerated. I felt it was too dangerous for my own recovery to bring myself around him due to his severe drinking and drug use. After 2 years of no contact, I got a call that he had been shot in the chest by some people he was hanging out with. He died immediately, there is a peace that he is no longer suffering in his addiction. Its a very sad situation, and it’s also very serious and makes my sobriety that much more important to me.
When I talk to someone who is struggling with addiction, I tell them how serious this disease is. It’s literally a matter of life or death. If you are struggling with addiction, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you need help or have questions. I also host a spaces on Twitter every Wednesday Night where we talk about life struggles and addiction solutions and anyone can talk. I would love to have you there.
I hope this helps someone who is in pain dealing with their problems, feeling like there is no way out. I’m here to tell you there is a way. Please feel free to share this with anyone who may be struggling.
WAGMI
Your Friend,
Farmer
Hey farmer my condolences for your brother. Thank you for sharing your story. Congratulations on continuing your sobriety for 7 years. Your family is lucky to have you
Great share. Thank you